Poetry: Part 2
 

The other poetry thread was old and outdated. And I wrote another poem and I wanted it to have it's own thread. :p

Anway...I was feeling really down and angry, so I wrote a peom. It's a really bad poem, but I didnt write it to be good, I wrote it to make me feel good.

---------------------------------------
I'm not impressed by your desolation.
I won't glorify your lonliness.
I don't care about your problems,
The way you seem to think I should.

I'm sick of your selfishness,
I'm to selfish to care about your sickness.
I hate your entire operation,
Unlike the way you seem think I should.

I don't give a damn about your emptyness,
I could care less about your broken tears,
My shattered shadows are overflowing with them.
Because I felt the way you thought I should.

I love you.
The way I think I should.

----------------------------------

I need a good title......

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Synonyms of Love <~~sounds like a good title...

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Sure, I'll take the bait. This is a work in progress...

Trapped inside the walls you built
You sit atop, and stare outside
Because although this life is dull
In safety you'd much rather reside

Guilt, Pain, Doubt, and Fear
all of them live, it's true
but as do Happiness, Comfort and Love
the choice is up to you

The walls are cold, the stone lays dead,
Everything seems oddly surreal
And although the sun shines in the sky
Its warmth you cannot feel

You know where the door is
It's right over there, y'see?
Step outside the walls, my friend
Suck it up, come with me

From here on out, anything goes
and when it's over,
many battles will be fought.
But you took that step outside, my friend
and in the end you'll look back:
It was definately worth the shot.

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Nice, Stu...very nice. :) I like it.


Here is my latest creation: (written at 1:10 AM the other morning. lol.)

-----------------------------------
Threads of time intertwine,
Slipping, sliding,
Finally unwraveling.
I want you to be mine,
You're just out of reach,
And I cant seem to find,
The words that I seek.
The threads have split now,
Lost in a million yarns.
They're too large for the needles head,
For my heart.
I lost it before I could find it,
Your hiding them from me,
In your river of shadows,
and your wall of tears.
You've stolen my thimble,
torn my quilt,
Broken my fingers,
And they bleed...
Pin prick blood stains on your soul.
---------------------------------------

What do you think, Stu?

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Someones already probably done this but, here goes. Now i have to let you know that i poured my heart and soul into this....This Poem is entitled

Love Bytes

100010101010100101,
1010101010101010101010100.0101,
00101010001010101101010,
010101010101,
010101,
101010101010101010101,
01000101001011101010011101010,
101010101010000000101010101001010,
11110101000101010101010,
101010,
1000101010101010010100101,
010101010101010101.


Please be gentile when reading that. It means alot to me.

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

some awesome work here... wanted to share another one of mine while vamp and stu were at it.

per request of jeepnut:
The Dance

It began with a song
The beginning of a new life
Our song played, and we danced
My gown of flowing white
Your suit black as night
And I remember the dance well

Now there are three of us
The beginning of a new life
A lullaby played, and we danced
My hair disheveled, yours the same
The child’s sweet face in slumber
And I remember the dance well

Again, just you and me
Somehow it all comes together
The music and the love
The look in your eyes
And the feelings in my heart
I remember the dance well

The first and the last

~Alexis MM McGeahy
11 June 2003

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

you want us all to be non-jewish people when we read it? ok..

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Interesting structure. What made you decide to end all lines with syntactic pauses? It creates a more formal balance, which is one way to go. I question the rhyme scheme though. If you are going with the more formal regularity that I mentioned above, it would be nice to see the rhyme scheme stay more consistent and true. I suppose you may have been mixing in some free verse, which can be done well if used effectively. I'm not sure that you did it perfectly, but I applaud the effort to infuse it.

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

I apreciate your constructive critisism, but i like my poem the way it is, its dirty and raw, and straight from the heart.
In all honesty i wrote that song one time at band camp.....but lets not get into that right now.

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Awesome poem, JS. :)

More than worth this +rep.

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Ok, this thing that I wrote wasn't ever meant to be a poem, but I've converted it into one....

Unionville 3

My parents called us
into the living room. Sitting on opposite couches
in the living room, they both spoke a little bit about how they were getting
separated.
I didn’t comprehend what this meant, but since everyone
else was sad, I was sad too. This was a time in my life when I poured
Sprite into my cereal because we were out of milk
and I drank beer one Saturday morning when we were out of Coca-Cola
because I didn’t know any better.
How was I supposed to understand the ramifications of this event? Now I know
to only pour milk onto cereal,
and that beer is not a good substitute if you feel like a soda.
But still,
how am I supposed to understand the ramifications of this event?

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

heh.....Thats good. You know when its a good poem when you can end a line with the word "Coca-Cola"

+reps for that...

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Nice one Germ... :)

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Things have been going pretty good for me. No heart breaks or bad times to inspire poem writing. I'll give it a go later though.

Re: Poetry: Part 2
 

Very nicely done. I can actually relate to this poem...which is uncommon. +rep

+rep JS, you're far more talented than I am at poetry...good stuff

+rep Germy, I liked it