Stupidest Newspaper Headlines
1.*Something Went Wrong in Plane Crash, Expert Says
2.*Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3.*Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
4.*Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
5.*Stud Tires Out
6.*Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
7.*British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
8.*Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
9.*Eye Drops off Shelf
10.*Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11.*Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
12.*War Dims Hope for Peace
13.*Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
14.*Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
15.*Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
16.*Miners Refuse to Work after Death
17.*Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
18.*Stolen Painting Found by Tree
19.*Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
20.*Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
21.*Drunken Drivers Paid $1000
22.*If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
23.*Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
24.*Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
25.*Deer Kill 17,000
26.*Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
27.*Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
28.*New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
29.*Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
30.*Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
31.*Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
32.*Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
33.*British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
34.*Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
35.*Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
36.*Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
37.*New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
38.*Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
39.*Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
40.*Air Head Fired
41.*Clock Thief Faces Time
42.*Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
43.*Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
44.*Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
45.*Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
46.*Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
47.*Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
48.*Include your Children when Baking Cookies
49. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Next week: more Dan Quayle goodness.
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