[DeathsHand]

I was born in Arlington, Virginia, the son of a welder and the father of a successful commercial fisherman, on January 20th, 1986...

I used to walk around the house in my dad's big flannel shirt, a bike helmet, and shoes on my hands... And jump around while playing videogames, which I started playing at the age of 3 or so, what with my brother's Sega Master System and NES...

When I got to 4th grade I started playing the alto saxaphone... Funny thing was, it didn't work at home... In school everything would come out fine, I was probably one of the better ones in my class, but at home I'd try to make noise come out and it just wouldn't go along with it...

I later discovered that it was only a musical instrument at school, and when not on the job it was to be used as a blowgun that fires high-powered, nuclear-laced superneedles, specializing in taking out Fran Frescher zombies...

I had a few adventures with it and my buddy Mike Hollersworth... I remember one time we were down in Potomac Overlook park at the edge of the river when we were approached by a spirit of a native american chief rumored to still roam the woods, we became rather chummy and ended up smoking a peace-pipe, however it was a trap... We became disoriented and confused, and then we heard it... That whiny, nasal-ey, high-pitched groaning, as if a zombie was trying to be scary, but someone was clutching it by the balls... The indian cheif began to laugh menacingly, but I had an ace up my sleeve in the form of my sax... With one swift blow, the Fran Drescher zombie hit the ground, and lucky for us the zombie and indian chief's life force was one in the same, for at that instant, the indian cheif's eyes burst and his face began to melt... Casually we turned and headed back for civilization...

We walked out of those woods, agreeing it would be best for us to part ways for the sake of being dramatic... I havn't heard from him since...

I gave up on the sax about halfway through the 6th grade, when I also gave up on school... Education is for suckers...

I made the decision on the day after my birthday... It was a bright, sunny day, my brother, mother, grandmother and I went to the Star Wars exhibit at the national air and space museum in DC... Time came to walk past Darth Vader's suit... James Earl Jones' voice called out to me... "Join me", it said. "Together we shall rule this galaxy, and even if I can't fit you in as co-ruler, I can at least dump you off in a role somewhere along the lines of top poster and elder of a small videogame forum on the world wide web."... Being the weak human being I was, controlled by my fears, I caved in and took him up on his offer...

That is where I spent all of 2 years before realizing there was a world outside of my room... I got some friends, I got a job... I got a life...... Well nah I wouldn't go so far as to say that... But you heeeerd me...

Nowadays, with the dark side's influence still lingering in my mind, I spend most of my time scooping ice cream, or impulse-buying old NES/SNES games, longing for a chance to return to the time before that fateful day at the Star Wars exhibit...