*Response based on first two pages because frankly got sick of reading anymore of it.
What's with everyone wanting to banish kid Link to the pits of hell? You've only played as "adult link" (adult? wasn't he only 17 anyway?) once in an actual Zelda game and not even for the entire time. So I'm guessing you guys didn't enjoy any of the other 8 Zelda games when you played as kid Link eh? They would have been so much better if he was a few years older huh? and meaner? and more
"is Link gonna have to choke a bitch?" Bah.