[KillerGremlin]

Dear GameTavern,

Dear Xantar,

I never thought I’d ask anyone or myself this question, but I must, and you seem to be the right person to answer it (Editor’s note: she's talking about the original advice columnist, not you guys at GT). I’m a 57-year-old gorgeous professional blonde woman, with lots of brains and also many plastic surgeries. To begin, I got a beautiful full C cup breast augmentation, later I acquired lovely rounded buttocks implants and at 56 I had a partial facelift that left my face looking as young as I feel, which borders on forty. My students at school think I look in my twenties and everyone thinks I look super sexy and natural. Sure, only my doctors and close relatives know the truth! The problem is after my second divorce, I’ve become timid and insecure about actually having sex with a new man because I don’t know what I would say, if they asked why I had all these surgeries. Now after getting so many added assets to the many natural ones I myself used to have, has made me feel too perfect to be true or artificially beautiful, which might be interpreted as being superficial or insecure. Why is it that becoming the physical person I always wanted to be, without flaws, still leaves me feeling unhappy and scared?? Please, help me understand the problem I’m confronting because somehow finding the solution escapes me.

Dear blonde with low self-esteem,

I would date you for your braaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnnnssss!

Love,

Zombie KG.