Update from the dead
Thank you for reading so far. Next week, I'm going to try to dig up some more Dan Quayle goodness for you guys. In the meantime, enjoy these little tidbits I've found.
The following are real warnings found either on labels or in computer programs or on road signs.
Swedish Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Various Computers
Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue
Unknown Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Unknown Road, Clemson, SC
Caution water on road during rain.
McDonald's in Johnson City, NY
Parking for drive-thru service only
Jefferson City, Missouri High School Football Field
Public Property, Keep out!
Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH
Road Closed. Use Sidewalk.
Unknown High School Training Room Door, Arlington, TX
Push handle down. Push door in.
South Side of San Antonio, TX
Cemetery Road. Dead End
Unknown Birth Control Pills
Do not use if you are pregnant, intend to become pregnant, or might be pregnant.
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
Unknown Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Unknown Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
And the worst part about many of these is they were probably put on the product because somebody actually did attempt to swallow a mattress (for instance), got really hurt in the process and sued successfully so that the company is forced to put a warning label on the product.
To top it off, here are some names of real bands.
Barbantuan Gigantlanic Hugemungus
Buns 'n' Doses
Captain Artichoke and the Electric Sex Aardvarks
Decent Exposer
The Four Skins
GWAR (Stands for God What an Awful Racket)
King Missle Dog Fly Religion (yes, it's actually spelled that way)
The Most Anal-Retentive Director In The History of Cinema
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