[Xantar]

Another man died while trying to open a grenade with a saw. This time, he was doing it because he was curious to know what was inside. As a sidenote, pathologists examining his body noted very little brain matter in his head.

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A parachute instructor was videotaping the lessons he was giving to a group of trainees. He had attached the video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction. The group of enthusiastic beginners went up in the plane, and the instructor led them through preparations for the jump.

When they reached the jump site, the students and instructor jumped from the plane, tape still running. A few minutes later, the instructor realized that he had been so focused on preparing his trainees for the jump, which needed to be perfect for the sake of the videotaped lesson, that he had forgotten to strap on his own parachute.

All but the last ten feet of his fall was recorded by the camera. The very last part of the tape was destroyed by the impact.

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(July 2002, Romania) Forget posted train schedules! Like an American Indian listening for horses in an old Western, a Romanian man placed his ear against the tracks to listen for the arrival of a train scheduled to stop at his station. Instead, the 46-year-old man was hit by an express train, and died instantly from head trauma.

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(June 2002, Georgia) An EMT in southern Georgia was part of the unit that responded to a call from Coffee County late one night. They arrived on the scene and found a severely injured man lying at the edge of a field. His stomach had been completely torn open, and he was covered with lacerations and bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread across his chest.

The injured man's companion showed up in a racing model ATV vehicle, clearly intoxicated, and gave the following account. Imagine this tale being recited in a deep Georgian accent.

He and his injured friend had been drinkin' and ridin' around the field on the three-wheeled ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer in their headlights. The friend, riding the back as a passenger, was struck with a great idea. "Hey man," he said, "If you quarter off one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog 'im." The driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him down.

His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers, and perform an excellent example of this rodeo sport. He pinned the animal's head to the ground, but that's when things went wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer, simply got up, threw his head back, and tore his assailant's belly open. The deer then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt him for good measure.

The EMTs noticed that this information accounted all of the injuries except one. When they asked the driver about the tire track across his injured friend's chest, he responded: "Well how else was I s'posed to git the deer off 'im?"

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This story just makes me cringe:

A friend of mine was stepping out of the shower one day, when his wife's small dog wandered into the bathroom. My friend loves to tease this dog, and having nothing at hand with which to tease, he grabbed his penis and began waving it at the dog.

The dog leapt up and caught the offending member in its mouth and held on for a moment, its entire weight suspended by my friend’s organ. Needless to say, this was extremely painful, and the resulting anguished scream scared the dog so badly that it let go and ran for dear life. The dog was found, much later, still hiding beneath the bed.

Did I mention that the dog had sharp teeth? Apparently they were sharp enough to go all the way through my friend’s penis. Since they had punctured some well-vascularized tissue, he began to bleed profusely. Dizzy and scared, he drove himself to the emergency room.

When the nurse asked what the problem was, he tried to get away with telling her that he had a rather embarrassing injury and needed to see a doctor. Nothing doing! The nurse assured him that she had heard everything, and he must to tell her exactly what had happened so she could triage him appropriately.

Once he explained the situation, she handled it quickly and professionally, putting him in a private room with only a slight smile and a stifled laugh.

After treatment and testing to ensure that nothing vital was irreparably damaged, the doctor admonished him to be more careful, and my friend made his way home to wait for his wife, and explain to her how he had come to be injured. Luckily, he ended up with nothing more than an unusual scar and some painful memories, although he came damn close (well the dog did) to eliminating any chance at contributing to the gene pool.

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(May 2002, Pakistan) Usually it's the criminal, not the judge, who attempts to take himself out of the gene pool. But not in this twist of a familiar tale! A man accused of possessing a hand grenade challenged police to produce it at his trial. When the police brought the grenade into the courtroom, the defendant claimed it was not real. The judge absentmindedly took the grenade in his hand while listening to arguments -- and pulled the pin! He was injured, but survived, no doubt with improved judgment.