Ten years ago I rescued GameTavern from internet oblivion and built up a gaming haven which endures to this day. Over the years I have withstood numerous hackers, crushed rival websites, and survived countless assassination attempts. I have crowned Survivor winners, installed life-enhancing vBulletin mods, become King of the Arcade, engaged in pointless political debates, and sent my software minions on quests to retrieve and re-post news from other websites.
Today my reign of terror comes to an end. No longer will you be subject to my fanciful whims or forced to dance dubstep for my own amusement. Today I hand over the keys to my successor, Vampyr, whom I trust will lead GameTavern into the future, assuming the future still exists after the zombies come. I know it will be tough to live up to the level of greatness that your now former ruler exuded in spades, but I have faith.
And so you too, should have faith. Not simply because you will be subject to severe beatings should your allegiance begin to waver, but because Vampyr has the skills, experience, and drive necessary to ensure our continued success.
So drink up, friends.
This is one celebration that is sure to get me all frothy.