Stupidest things ever done

Xantar · 03-31-2002, 06:19 PM

This thread is a companion piece to my "Stupidest things ever said" topic (is anybody still reading that one?). For this update, we open with a few choice stories courtesy of the Darwin Awards.

Note: some of the stories are narrated. That's because they are personal accounts sent to the Darwin Awards website. They were not sent in by me (I've yet to meet someone who kills himself through his own stupidity).

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(1990’s, United States) I heard the following at work in the gun shop. The events described below (if it’s not a legend) occurred in the 1990’s in the southwest.

A small-time hood (about to be even smaller) broke into the home of a World War Two veteran and stole, among other things, the old G.I.'s .45 automatic pistol, which he used in battle in the 1940's. The hoodlum then reported directly to a local convenience store and proceeded to rob the cashier while brandishing his new pistol. The cashier, no dummy, followed orders and handed over the contents of the register.

Our thug took the money and turned to leave, but suddenly decided he didn’t want to leave a witnesses… other than the security camera, that is. He leveled the pistol at the cashier and pulled the trigger.

"CLICK!" went the gun.

At this unexpected development, the puzzled crook looked straight down the barrel of his weapon and uttered the words, "What*the...?"

As it turned out, the WWII veteran had WWII vintage ammunition in his WWII vintage pistol. Priming caps over time are known to lose their "spontaneous" nature, particularly if stored improperly, causing what is known as a hang-fire: The primer smolders into a delayed ignition.

Such was the case here.

Just as the puzzled crook had the barrel pointed squarely at his own eye, the hang-fired primer detonated, sending a half-inch chunk of lead and associated hot combustion gases directly into the felon's skull at 900 feet per second.

The range was less than six inches.
The body could only be identified by fingerprints.

As the story was related to me, the police officer who responded to the original gun burglary was also at the scene of the armed robbery. He picked up the .45 and verified the serial number, then returned it to the WWII veteran.

Case closed.

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(January 2002, Italy) Andreas, 23-year-old ex-bouncer from Italy, was found lying in a pool of blood near a country road. Police initially thought him the victim of sadism. His left leg almost severe by a chainsaw. Copious bleeding. Body drained of blood.

Emergency call to operators who heard only a "death rattle" as Andreas was so weakened by blood loss. He bled to death on the phone.

Sad plight? Not quite.The incredible truth was odder still.

23-year-old Andreas had conspired with his cousin in an insurance scam. Andreas' 29-year-old cousin confessed that he was the assailant, attacking—and killing--the younger man in a planned and "mutually satisfactory" insurance fraud that went badly awry.

Andreas asked his cousin to cut his left leg off with a chainsaw, in order to reap under a million dollars from numerous insurance policies. Permanent disability was all that was required. That and Andreas' knowledge of first aid, to survive their cunning chainsaw incident.

The attack took place near a country lay-by

The cousin sawed at Andreas' leg, below the knee, and severed a major artery in a gambit timed too close for survival. Emergency crews arrived to find Andreas dead and his cousin fled, tossing the chainsaw in a river along the way out of town.

The cousin now languishes in a cell on homicide charges.

A classic case of fate noticing those who buy chain*saws.

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(January 2002) My 18-year-old cousin pulled a wonderful stunt. Davey is not known for his stellar common sense, but he really upstaged himself. This boy is constantly in trouble so it didn't surprise me when I heard the details of his most recent ordeal.

My cousin, during one of his chronic underage drinking sprees, became alarmingly convinced that he had contracted an STD from the wrong kind of girl. He was urinating blood, and it hurt.

But instead of going to a doctor, he comes up with an eradication plan of his own. He goes into the laundry room and picks up a bottle of bleach, thinking, "Hey a disinfectant!"

Davey pours himself a beer/bleach cocktail. He drinks it and wonders why his stomach starts to ache. My Uncle stumbles upon him in a stupor and rushes him to the emergency room. Crisis averted.

In a few years, I'm sure Davey will either kill or sterilize himself!

Joeiss · 03-31-2002, 06:33 PM

Haha... I like the first one the best. That is why you shouldn't mess with the veterans! Haha.. The middle one is alright, and the last one if funny. But I thought that the kid was going to do something different with the bleach. I though he going to try to pour it into his you-know-what so that the blood pee would turn into good old fashion yellow pee.

Ginkasa · 03-31-2002, 10:04 PM

The first one wasn't really a case of stupidity, at least as much as the other two, but more of just not knowing about the late trigger thing. Although he probably shouldn't have looked down the barrel....

Joeiss · 03-31-2002, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Link1130
The first one wasn't really a case of stupidity, at least as much as the other two, but more of just not knowing about the late trigger thing. Although he probably shouldn't have looked down the barrel....

Yeah, or he just shouldn't have stole the gun in the first place.

Revival · 04-02-2002, 10:34 AM

Hehe.. look into the barrel..

GameMaster · 04-03-2002, 01:47 AM

I don't who's dumber, the guy who I asked to have leg "chain-sawed" or the guy who did it?

The dumbest I ever did was eat three chocolate cupcakes followed by an hour on a tire swing

Xantar · 04-08-2002, 09:40 AM

Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown you [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-- if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Hewton and recommend a 30-year sentence.

Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Chicago - A man robbing a dry cleaning store blew off part of one finger with a shotgun, police said. "This is no toy; the gun is loaded," the robber said to his victims Monday in the Pekin Cleaners on Chicago's south side. Police said the robber, wearing a red handkerchief over his face and carrying a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun, then opened the gun to show it was loaded. When he closed it, the weapon fired, taking off two-thirds of the little finger of his left hand. After the gun fired, he took $10 from the cash register and a portable television set from the counter and fled. Police said they recovered the tip of the finger and were able to get a fingerprint. A store employee, Hattie Butler, said she did not realize the robber had injured himself because he did not show any signs of pain.

Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.

Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

Revival · 04-08-2002, 02:45 PM

LMAO! The first one on the addition is great -- did he forget?

Ginkasa · 04-08-2002, 04:23 PM

I like the last one best. It seemed to show the moot stupidity out of all of them

TheGrimReaper · 04-09-2002, 11:55 PM

LOL those rule!

GameMaster · 04-15-2002, 12:50 AM

I'd have to say the mispelled Gasoline Truck incident was the best, why? Because their plan was working, if they hadn't mispelled the word, we'd be having a cloudy spring!

Xantar · 05-04-2002, 05:15 PM

I couldn't decide whether this is a stupid deed or a stupid thing spoken. But in any case, read this short blurb.

http://www.thisistrue.com/campsign.html

You'll never think of camping the same way again.

Jin · 05-04-2002, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Xantar
I couldn't decide whether this is a stupid deed or a stupid thing spoken. But in any case, read this short blurb.

http://www.thisistrue.com/campsign.html

You'll never think of camping the same way again.

Lmao! I looked at the sign for a while and couldn't see anything wrong with it, but after reading the article it was so clear.

One Winged Angel · 05-05-2002, 10:13 PM

1998 Urban Legend
(1997 - 1998) "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.

Cyrax9 · 05-05-2002, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Xantar
I couldn't decide whether this is a stupid deed or a stupid thing spoken. But in any case, read this short blurb.

http://www.thisistrue.com/campsign.html

You'll never think of camping the same way again.

Xantar I really wish The GT Admins would give you you're ow section on the boads, maybe called "Stupidity Cetnral", whre you could put up articles about these "stupid things" that have been "said" and "done". I weekly, even monthly Special from Xantar about stupidity would be great for GT, besides, think of how many laughs people would have.

Here's one I read that was pretty funny, we all mknow that the PSone is a Cancer-Causing Health risk, but this article in EGM even proves that the PSone is dangerorus even further:

Quote:

[Death by Playstation

The next time your gaming on a fishing trawler odff the coast of northern Queensland, make sure your Playstation isn't resting on a metal table and Plugged into the on-board power supply. The unfortunate Richard Wells, 19, of Innisfail, Australia, decided to get his game on instead of helping his fellow fishermen, and got the Dual Shock of his life when a wave crashed through his cabin window an zapped him dead. According to "The Daily Star", three other crew members suffered eletrichution and burns as they tried to rescue him. The game he was plsaying? Hopefully not "Aquanaut's Holiday"!

This article is on Page 28 of EGM, Issue Number 155, June 2002

I wonder what color shirt this guys was wearing?