Hello again!

[Jonbo298]

Originally Posted by BLueFire

Do you mind me asking what is going on in your life?

Well, over the past year+, I've been in and out (more often then not, but getting more often) of depression essentially. But recently I'm slipping downward more and more again and just afraid that I'm going to do something...irreversible "soon"

Mom, no clue where she is anymore. She went off and married some deadbeat guy and disappeared essentially. I know she's alive since Grandma hear's from her once in awhile but since its just an occasional email, that doesn't help. Plus, I've just stopped caring anyways since her mistakes are part of the reason I'm so depressed anymore.

Then compound that all with the fact I've been so lazy for awhile now and been making mistakes that I wish I didn't. I'm just now trying to reverse (like eating healthier, going to gym, etc..) it all. Also having to get rid fo my game consoles and computers for money and personal reasons.

I basically got addicted to using computer so much that I would do nothing else after getting home. I'd tell myself I will go to gym, then I wouldn't. So I had to remove distractions in my household. Not to mention the fact that I spent too much money on Wii and now its coming back to bite me in the ass hence my selloff.

I don't have alot of positive stuff going on unfortunately. Job is becoming less appealing by the day. I'm burned out doing sales essentially. Friends come aroudn once in awhile. I do have someone on the female end I am talking to which is nice for once, but that isn't enough to help me completely lift my depression.

I wish I never did allow my brain/mind/head to absorb so much negativity that it impacts me in ways I didn't have a few years ago. But unfortunately, I have, and its hard to get rid of. If anyone says depression isn't an illness, they are lying. It is. and its not as simple as "Just think happy" because for me, when I try to think happy, the negative side overpowers it and then its gone.

So...yeah. There's things in a "nutshell".