A few jokes I found funny

[KillerGremlin]

Originally Posted by fingersman

THIS ONE IS A KILLER

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else,"
Dave says. "President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.

At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,

"Who the f*#k's that on the balcony with Dave?"


HAHAHA

Ahahahaha, oh man, that's f*cking gold. I laughed my ass off.

+rep

[Bube]

Originally Posted by KillerGremlin

Ahahahaha, oh man, that's f*cking gold.

This thread is also f*cking old.

No offense meant to anybody.

[Canyarion]

Yeah that would be me. I wanted to post a joke but didn't want to open a new thread.

[MuGen]

Whose in the mood for a classic?

A knot walks into a bar, asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind."
The knot walks outside and asks someone to fray his ends.
The knot walks back into the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?"
The knot replies, "I'm a frayed knot"

[D-Man]

George W. Bush is in England and he is having diner with Queen Elizabeth. He turns and tells her: "Your country is great, I really like the way things are getting done over here."

She responds: "That's because I know how to get intelligent people in important positions. Here's an example. Tony Blair! Please come here Tony!"

TB: "Yes, can I help you?"
Q: "Tony, your mother had a child, it's not your brother, nor your sister, who is it?"
TB: "Well... hum... I guess it would be me!"
Q: "Good job darling."
GWB: "That's nice, that's really nice, I'll have to try that..."

George later flies back to Washington, once there, he asks for Colin Powell to come at his office.

GWB:"Colin, let me ask you a question.. your mother had a child, it's not your brother, nor your sister, who is it?"
CP:"Hum... that's a good question... I'll have to think of it... let me get back to you on that..."

Colin then goes see Dick Cheney

CP:"Hey Dick, George asked me a question and I don't know what to say."
DC:"Well, what was it?"
CP:"He asked me, your mother had a child, it's not your brother, nor your sister, who is it?"
DC:"Well that's easy, it would be me. Or you in that case."
CP:"Oh right... I.. I get it..."

Colin goes back to see Mr. Bush

CP:"After thinking hard about it, I found out the answer to your question."
GWB:"Well, what is it?"
CP:"The answer is Dick Cheney!"
says Colin Powell all proud
GWB:"No, no, dammit, of course not you idiot!!!!
.
.
.
It's Tony Blair!"

[Bube]

That one's a classic!

And...D-Man? You're back?

[D-Man]

Well, not really. I don't have time to get involved and post regurlarly. I still like to drop in from time to time and read a couple of topics. It's a great forum with lots of nice people.

I only have the internet at school or on the weekends while I'm back at my old home since I now live in an apartment near the university I go to. With all the studies, work, girlfriend and hockey, gaming has been put on the side for now.