The only way this will work is with a time machine.
I've always wondered, if I came back from the future and gave myself a handjob, would that make me gay?
Yes.
Anyways, this sounds hilarious.
__________________ Fingerbang:
1.) The sexual act where a finger is inserted into the vagina or anus. Headbang:
1.) To vigorously nod your head up and down.