Battle Royale Part4

[Ginkasa]

It would have been bettern if you hadn't listed it then. You should have just not told us anything about it and waited until you wrote it in this chapter.


*shrugs and walks away*

[Dylflon]

You still would have known in the 3rd chapter when the japanese man said who had died.

[Mechadragon]

How does a guy with a handgun lose to a guy with a bow? Damn your 20 sided dice!

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by Mechadragon

How does a guy with a handgun lose to a guy with a bow? Damn your 20 sided dice!

That didn't have to do with dice. You were just unlucky to encounter one of the major antagonist characters. Bwahaaha.

[GameMaster]

And I am now one of the Undead! I will walk the Earth serving the Dark Lord forever!

[ominub]

i ****ing die son of a bitch that ****ing sucks

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by ominub

i ****ing die son of a bitch that ****ing sucks

Uh...don't take it personally.

[Ginkasa]

I don't think you should have done that either. You say you want to add mystery and suspense, but telling us who has died, whether you directly telling us or a character in the story telling us, takes most, if not all, of that suspense out.

It is much more suspenseful to watch a singal character wander through a dense jungle, clutching some poor weapon, nervously looking around for any movment, any sign of an attacker. He doesn't know who's still alive, who is near him, or anything.

That would be much better than, first, knowing all the characters who are alive or dead, and second, writing a scene like that only with much less build-up or suspense.


*shrugs and walks away*

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by Ginkasa

I don't think you should have done that either. You say you want to add mystery and suspense, but telling us who has died, whether you directly telling us or a character in the story telling us, takes most, if not all, of that suspense out.

It is much more suspenseful to watch a singal character wander through a dense jungle, clutching some poor weapon, nervously looking around for any movment, any sign of an attacker. He doesn't know who's still alive, who is near him, or anything.

That would be much better than, first, knowing all the characters who are alive or dead, and second, writing a scene like that only with much less build-up or suspense.


*shrugs and walks away*

You don't know what you want. Your first complaint was you didn't know how everyone had died.

[Ginkasa]

Originally Posted by Dylflon

You don't know what you want. Your first complaint was you didn't know how everyone had died.

No, I was complaining that you told us all of the deaths in a list, but didn't tell us what happened. If you wanted us to know, at that point, who had died and who had not, you should have written it in the story instead of giving us a list. That's tons of story-telling that's wasted.

But then you were saying that you were wanting to add suspense by telling us who had died, but not telling us how they died. I was saying that you could add more suspense by not telling us everyone who had died and who's still out there hunting.

I'm not trying to tell you each little thing you should do with this. This si your story and you should write it how you want. I'm just trying to help you do that better.

I'm trying to give advice on how to improve, not demands to make this like I want.


*shrugs and walks away*

[Dylflon]

I'm running in circles trying to make you people happy. What do you want from me?

[Ace195]

Originally Posted by Dylflon

I'm running in circles trying to make you people happy. What do you want from me?

Hmm.. Death has crossed my mind quite a few times but eh what ever you want to give. Donations ect

[Joeiss]

****, I'm dead.