Battle Royale Finale

[GameMaster]

Encore! Encore!

But how did Talbain die? *cues mysterious song*

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by GameMaster

Encore! Encore!

But how did Talbain die? *cues mysterious song*

Uh...he was shot. Let's say it was in the head.

Now everyone is happy.

*Waits silently for Ginkasa's review.

[Happydude]

wow...just wow...although it could've been a little more suspensfull if you wrote a whole final chapter about the last 2 members ...but still it was...wow.

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by happydude666

wow...just wow...although it could've been a little more suspensfull if you wrote a whole final chapter about the last 2 members ...but still it was...wow.

Thanks for your positive feedback.

[Rndm_Perfection]

While I would have preferred a final shootout with Darkmaster rather than my end with Talbain, I congratulate you on the conclusion. ¦¬Þ

Well done

[Ginkasa]

What was with the switching of tenses? At one point it would be past (like the rest of the chapters) and other times it would be present tense.

You need to pick one and stick with it.



*shrugs and walks away*

[ZebraRampage]

Originally Posted by Ginkasa

What was with the switching of tenses? At one point it would be past (like the rest of the chapters) and other times it would be present tense.

You need to pick one and stick with it.



*shrugs and walks away*

Aww come on Ginkasa, this was just for fun. Who cares if he didn't write it perfectly.

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by Ginkasa

What was with the switching of tenses? At one point it would be past (like the rest of the chapters) and other times it would be present tense.

You need to pick one and stick with it.



*shrugs and walks away*

I wanted to get a differnet perspective fore the last chapter. You know? I wanted to get in their heads a little more.

You act as if I was writing a serious piece of literature. You only say what I did wrong. You never say "Well, I like that you did this."

No. You don't.

I'm glad you got shot in the spine 3 times.

[Ginkasa]

It doesn't change the story's perspective. It changes whenin time it happens. Instead of happening in the past, like it has for the other chapters, it suddenly switches to the present with no warning. Even if this isn't a "serious piece of literature" you shouldn't do that.

You could have gotten us into the contestant's heads just as easily if you kept it in the past tense (although I don't really think you succeeded by switching it to the present tense anyway).

Also, just because this isn't something that is going to be published as a book or something doesn't mean you shouldn't take the time to write it as well as you can. I think this story could have been much better if you had only payed more attention to details, described things more clearly, and just simply put more effort into it.

The reason I haven't listed what I liked about this story is that, for the most part, I didn't like this story. At least how it was written anyway.


*shrugs and walks away*