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Old 09-13-2003, 02:20 AM   #14
Ginkasa
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It doesn't change the story's perspective. It changes whenin time it happens. Instead of happening in the past, like it has for the other chapters, it suddenly switches to the present with no warning. Even if this isn't a "serious piece of literature" you shouldn't do that.

You could have gotten us into the contestant's heads just as easily if you kept it in the past tense (although I don't really think you succeeded by switching it to the present tense anyway).

Also, just because this isn't something that is going to be published as a book or something doesn't mean you shouldn't take the time to write it as well as you can. I think this story could have been much better if you had only payed more attention to details, described things more clearly, and just simply put more effort into it.

The reason I haven't listed what I liked about this story is that, for the most part, I didn't like this story. At least how it was written anyway.


*shrugs and walks away*
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