Typhoid's Advice Column

[manasecret]

Originally Posted by Typhoid

Dear Dylflon,

I highly suggest living with someone before you ask to marry them. It isn't the 70's or 80's anymore. Living together before marriage is the norm, if not completely required in my mind. Seeing someone every day - whether you love them or not - is a very different thing than seeing them a few days a week when you're free, where you both have your own space to retreat to if needed. Most major fights don't actually occur until a couple lives together, because the stress of seeing someone every day, mixed with bills of various sorts, on top of work and/or school can be overwhelming at times. I would suggest you live together before hand especially if you've never had a major fight. Now, because I know you, in no way am I saying it wouldn't work out - I'm just saying that you should live together before to at least get the fights out of the way - in a sense. Like a practice run that you expect to work out. Fights are inevitable. They will happen. And if you've never had them, you're not used to them, which means you (collective you) won't react rationally to them. Rushing into anything is never a good idea.

Now, I'm well aware that she really wants to get married. Don't let that pressure you into anything really fast. We are very young, still. Getting married before living together when you've never had a fight seems silly in a way. Relationships need fights. And I'm afraid for you. Because typically the longer a relationship goes without a fight, the bigger it will be. Sort of like if you hold off your load for a while.

I would suggest instead of asking her to marry you as you were planning on it, ask her to move in with you - err, moreso ask her to move out with you. You have to walk before you run.


Gravity defyingly yours, Typh.

Amen, brother.

[Dylflon]

Well we argue every so often and get mad at each other but I mean, we've never had a big fight where we didn't want to talk to one another afterwards or where the future of our relationship is called into question. That's more of what I meant.

I say not trusting to make a commitment until having a major fight seems like a weird argument.

[Typhoid]

Originally Posted by Dylflon

Well we argue every so often and get mad at each other but I mean, we've never had a big fight where we didn't want to talk to one another afterwards or where the future of our relationship is called into question. That's more of what I meant.

I say not trusting to make a commitment until having a major fight seems like a weird argument.

In lieu of derailing my own thread; all I will say are these two things:

1) Don't ask for advice if you are going to refute the advice given if it's not what you want to hear. The point of this thread is for people to ask me an outside opinion of a serious topic, non-serious topic, or mundane problem. Not an open discussion about why someone disagrees with someone else over what-have-you.
2) I didn't say don't make a commitment until you get into a huge fight. I was saying don't dive into something before you've even lived together. I wasn't saying it won't work out. Nor was I saying it's a terrible idea. Just don't get ahead of yourself. Horse->Cart.

Also: I will delete any further rebuttles (not directed at you) in this thread to A) keep it clean B) keep it on track.